How to Design Calm in Conflict
- Dilek Süzal
- Nov 10
- 2 min read
Many professionals today are stuck in unresolved interpersonal conflicts that drain their energy and confidence at work.
When people don’t feel seen, heard, understood, or accepted for the way they think and operate, tension builds beneath the surface. It starts small, a misinterpreted email, a meeting that feels colder than usual, but over time, it creates invisible barriers between colleagues. Unresolved conflict affects not only performance but also well-being and well-doing.
Research from the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model and Harvard’s Program on Negotiation shows that high-performing teams don’t avoid conflict, they learn to navigate it with structure, empathy, and timing.
Problem: When Unspoken Tension Becomes the Norm
In many teams, conflict is silent. It shows up in polite avoidance, withheld feedback, or passive resistance that slows down progress. When people feel unseen, they withdraw. When they feel unheard, they defend. And when they feel misunderstood, they stop trying to connect.
Stress levels rise, and the very people who want to perform at their best end up operating on survival mode.
Solution: Understand, Adjust, and Act Early
Conflict resolution begins with awareness, understanding that not everyone reacts to tension the same way. Some avoid it, some rush to fix it, some compete to win, and others over-accommodate to keep peace. Each style has its logic and its limits.
The key is not to change people, but to understand their standpoints, differences in pace, tone, and emotional needs, and adapt our approach.
How Different Styles Can Collaborate
💎 Avoiders need psychological safety to speak up. Give them time to reflect before decisions are made.
💎 Accommodators thrive when their empathy is valued. Ask for their honest view and reassure them that disagreement is safe.
💎 Competitors bring drive and direction. Keep discussions goal-oriented and acknowledge their commitment to results.
💎 Compromisers balance perspectives. Involve them when decisions need closure.
💎 Collaborators go deep. Use their strengths in creative problem-solving but protect timelines from over-analysis.
When in personal life as well as professional settings, individuals combine these styles intentionally, collaboration becomes a system of balance where clarity, respect, and progress coexist.
3 Key Learnings
🔹 #1 - Conflict styles are communication patterns under stress; they are not flaws.
🔹 #2 - Understanding others’ intent reduces emotional friction.
🔹 #3 - Designing calm in conflict means turning silence into clarity and tension into thoughtful action.
Next time tension appears, pause and ask: What does this moment need; space, structure, or empathy?
If this resonates and you’d like to explore how to bring calm, clarity, and collaboration into your world, let’s connect in creative conversations!
Warmly,
Dilek
Official Collaboration Partners:
★ Lead Coach at the global coaching platform BetterUp based in USA.
★ Executive Coach and Trainer at SparkUs based in Turkey and Netherlands.
★ Impact Partner for coaching, training & facilitation projects at leadership experts Think Beyond Group based in Austria.
★ Leadership Coach at Percoms AG, based in Switzerland.
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